Familiar title?
Read on.
FIRST SESSION
Psychologist: So, tell me something about yourself.
Happy: I’m Happy—Happy Valenciano, born on the 23rd of December, years ago. I am taking up Political Science in UPDiliman but I want to shift to Journalism. I am eldest in a brood of four. I don’t know how to cook. I hate spiders. I don’t like garlic. I love shoes and bags and bangles. Bangles sounds like bagels, I adore onion bagels.
Psychologist: Is that all?
Happy: Want me to add more? That’s not all I’ve got.
Psychologist: Tell me, do I want to hear more? sarcastic
Happy: I don’t think so. Let’s just get straight to the point?
Psychologist: And the point is?
Happy: I’m here because of my boyfriend. Well not actually, I was the one who nagged him about this therapy sessions.
Psychologist: Tell me something about your boyfriend.
Happy: He’s name is Jasper, as you may know. He means everything to me. I love him so bad that I would do anything and everything for our relationship to work. And I know it will work, we just have to sort some things out because he has a problem.
Psychologist: Is that so?
Happy: Yes. That’s how I see and feel it. May problema siya kaya nagkakaproblema kami.
Psychologist: What do you mean by nagkakaproblema kami?
Happy: Jasper has a problem. He becomes quiet in a sudden. And being quiet in a sudden is a sign of dilemma.
Psychologist: Meaning?
Happy: Meaning, Jasper is the problem? Yes. He is.
SECOND SESSION
Psychologist: Where were you?
Happy: In his car, along EDSA.
Psychologist: Why don’t you want him quiet?
Happy: I came here to answer that?
Psychologist: nods
Happy: I want him to talk, to say something. Being in the car with my man means that it is our uninterrupted couple time! It’s the best time for us to talk about us… or some stuff.
THIRD SESSION
Psychologist: What do you do after a fight?
Happy: A lot of things.
Psychologist: Like?
Happy: What? Do I have to tell you how he turns me on after a fight?
Psychologist: What do you think?
Happy: blushes Sometimes we do it. Sometimes I send him out of the condo or I leave the condo.
Psychologist: Which do you prefer to do?
Happy: I send him out or I leave. Either of the two.
Psychologist: Why?
Happy: I need time to think. I need time to reflect on what just happened. I wanna weigh things—be aware of the things that made him mad and know the things that made me mad. You know, you can’t just move on. You must mull on what has just transpired and learn from what you’ve mulled on. Right?
FOURTH SESSION
Psychologist: What do you want to do first thing in the morning?
Happy: It’s a big day ahead, so I have to bond with my man first. He’s like the fuel that keeps me going.
Psychologist: ‘yun ba ang nangyayari sa condo niyo in Libis?
Happy: Hindi.
Psychologist: So what happens?
Happy: Sometimes he removes his clothes.
Psychologist: Then?
Happy: Goes to hit the shower right away, leaving me behind longing for him! It’s early in the morning for everybody’s sake. It is the perfect time to bond with your partner. Exchange thoughts, sweet somethings, hugs, kisses and maybe cuddle up. It’s a time for bonding. Another one of those uninterrupted couple time.
FIFTH SESSION
Psychologist: Saan ka niya dinate?
Happy: Sa Dusit.
Psychologist: Hotel?
Happy: We had dinner there.
Psychologist: What was the highlight of your date?
Happy: The meaningful talks—the couple time.
Psychologist: Why?
Happy: We talk about our marriage, future marriage. It’ll be in the Baguio Cathedral. I’ll have my gown made by Rajo Laurel and his tux by Randy Ortiz. We’ll have four kids, two girls and two boys. The house would be fenced by black iron embedded on granite bricks.
Psychologist: Rate the evening. 1 is the lowest. 10 the highest.
Happy: -5.
Psychologist: Bakit? Dahil nag-away kayo?
Happy: Opo. Dahil ang gusto niya na lang pag-usapan e ‘yung French-inspired cuisine na feature nung menu. Dahil ang alam niya na lang sabihin ay kung gaano ako kaganda nung gabing ‘yun at para na siyang sirang plaka sa kakaulit nun. Is it wrong to plan my future with him? I want him in my future. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I want the rest of my life to begin now.
SIXTH SESSION
Psychologist: How do you handle your problems?
Happy: Jasper’s and mine?
Psychologist: Yes.
Happy: I hold a sleepover. Talk it over with my beshies. I ask help from them. I seek advice. I want to hear their opinion.
Psychologist: You don’t keep it to yourself? Or try to find a solution for it?
Happy: No. Women are irrational creatures. I go to women for advices—another set of irrational ideas. It becomes rational when it comes out of several heads. What my beshies think is rational, they’re in their right irrational mind and I am in my wrong irrational mind.
Psychologist: How does Jasper handle your problems?
Happy: Oh, he keeps it to himself. He pretends like he’s superman or someone else, able to solve everything at hand, well in fact he can’t. Why can’t he just admit it that he can not solve the problem. He doesn’t have the answer to all those issues and my beshies have the answers to those. Why can’t he just spill it out so that there would be pretensions no more. It is humiliating to pretend and pretend.
Psychologist: Will you kill him for that?
Happy: Hell yes.
CONCLUSION
Women live for the moment. Living for the moment means anticipating and and getting ready for the future. Women are futuristic animals, they see what’s beyond while men only see what is right before their eyes. Women need lots of attention. They’re attention-seeking animals. They expect too much from someone because they trust that someone a lot. Women are never calm, they might pretend to be calm, but in the inside their heart is pounding hard like the drums used in the UAAP CDC. Women need lots of time too. They think a lot. They plan. They think of what ifs, what might have been and the like. They end up like psycho creatures that all they think about is pleasing their man, that’s why they give all their attention, all their love to their men, but too much of it drives their men away but women do not see that. Women are in horse blinds, all they is that which is ahead and not that which is in their peripheries.
